This afternoon, I left Vandy for fall break. My feelings were mixed with excitement to be back in my small hometown with my family, and sorrow to leave my sisters in Christ here on campus. I am a big planner and was prepared to wake up early to do my devotions, visit my high school to help out at Fellowship of Christian Athletes, volunteer with the kids with special needs at a respite home, and honestly, feel like I was good enough and had my life together again. But, everything did not go the way that I planned.
During the boarding process, I found out I was on the same plane as one of the girls from my middle school. This only brought up memories of loneliness and the beginnings of my struggles with anxiety, and drew me to cling to the Lord who loves her so much and helped me to love this girl as well. A little bit of stress, but clinging on to God with all my heart, I waited for the plane to come and the boarding process to begin. I hoped that this would be a chance to surrender to God and tell this girl about Jesus, and again, feel good enough in God’s sight for overcoming and persevering on my own strength; again, God had other plans.
After waiting for about two hours, the plane was cancelled. Something crashed into it and it could not fly. I was astounded and overwhelmed; there are no more flights available tonight. In my Bible Study last night, we had talked about the importance of verse memorization as a means for the Spirit to speak to us. I had felt pretty convicted, but, I brushed it off thinking it was too hard and would take too much time. Tonight though, as I was on the verge of tears and the anxiety built up throughout me, I was reminded of God’s goodness. I was reminded that He loves me so very much more than anyone and knows and wants what is very best for me. He has good plans for me (Romans 8:28) and is always with me. He tells me not to be anxious, but to talk to him and promises to give me peace as I trust in Him. He calls me to tell him all of my worries, because He cares for me (1 Peter 5:7).
Tomorrow morning, I have a new flight back home. I may not understand why this happened, but God knows what is best. I am by no means perfect, in fact I am so far from it, but thank God for his goodness and grace. The flight was cancelled, and there is nothing I can do to change that, but I can ask God to change my attitude and my heart to see a little more like Him. Praise Him for a home like Vandy to go back to on this blessed night, for food to eat and a bed to rest, and for giving us the very best thing, Himself. Now as I sit here listening to music, laughing with friends, my heart is full and I know that I am truly blessed.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:6-7