This fall break has been, to say the least, overwhelming. Yes, it has been wonderfully filled with reconnecting, meaningful conversations, and joyous laughter, but also a lack of true rest with the Father leading to a build up of anxiety.
For years, I kept the secret of anxiety locked inside of my heart, and even now it is hard to confess. I fail and I fail over and over again; I eat much more than I should, become lazy and idle in seeking the Lord, and fall into the patterns of this world. Then I look at myself, and see nothing. I see someone too far from grace, unworthy of doing any good for the Lord; my goodness is tainted by my pride. But isn’t that exactly what God wants me to realize about myself?
In 1 Corinthians 1: 26-31, Paul writes, “Brothers and sisters, think of what you were when you were called. Not many of you were wise by human standards; not many were influential; not many were of noble birth. But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. It is because of him that you are in Christ Jesus, who has become for us wisdom from God—that is, our righteousness, holiness and redemption. Therefore, as it is written: “Let the one who boasts boast in the Lord.”
I am the foolish things of the world, thinking that I can be good enough to earn the gift of eternal life in heaven without Christ. I am the weak things of the world, not able to resist temptations I know lead to sin. I am the lowly things of this world, fully aware that it was only through God that I could be where I am. I am no athlete or prodigy, and have nothing excellent to offer on my own. I am a sinner, a slave to sin by myself.
The amazing thing is that in recognizing this, God is teaching me something beautiful.
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” ~ 2 Corinthians 12:9-10
When I am humbled by the weight of my sins, it leads me too look at the sacrifice that Christ made on the cross… for me. It is all through the grace of Jesus Christ that I may give and receive love here on this earth. He gives me a purpose to make disciples, followers of Him, and to worship Him here. He promises me that He will never leave me nor forsake me, and will be my help. We never have to go through this life alone. His love is so unconditional, even in the midst of my worst failures. He thinks about me all of the time. How faithful and wonderful is His love always.
“But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” ~ Romans 5:8
Christ loved me enough to die for me even before I began to follow Him. He loved me at my darkest, and has loved me each and every moment of my life. He knitted me together in an intricately beautiful way and cares about me. He knew that I would continue to stumble in my pursuit of Him and that I would continuously mess up. Yet He still chose to be the sacrifice that would save me. Surely, His love endures forever.