“her need for healing outweighed her desire to hide” ~ Emily P. Freeman
This is one of my favorite quotations. It comes from the book, “Graceful” in which the author, Emily P. Freeman describes a scene from the Bible. A woman had been bleeding for twelve years and could find no one to help her. Then, she met Jesus Christ. She had been outcasted and called unclean by society for numerous years. She had nothing left to offer, no money left for more doctors, and was surrounded by those who condemned her and pushed her away. But in her desperation, despite the fear and shame; the anxiety that I am sure flooded her soul, she ran to Christ in her desperation for healing.
In these past couple of weeks, I have come to a state of desperation. For many years, I tucked and hid away my anxiety and negative thoughts. I pushed them away and tried to handle them on my own. But in these past couple of days, it has been more than I can carry; the burden becoming to heavy to bear. I have become in a state of desperation for the Lord; for healing.
This was never where I wanted to be; falling apart for the whole world to see, anxious to the core, to the point that it is physically painful to breathe. But in my state of desperation, helplessness, and hurt is when I have begun to truly see the unconditional, awe-inspiring love of the body of Christ, and the Church. From friends who constantly stay with me when I feel that I am unworthy of their friendship and kindness, to reminders of who I am in Christ and how loved I am, to noticing the many ways that God is saying, I love you, my Child, I believe that healing has just begun.
The battle is far from over and the struggle is real. The lies fill my heart and I am needy. I am helpless and desperate on my own. But in these times, the body of Christ has surrounded me and prayed for me and been there with me, and I am so very grateful. Thank God that in and through my desperation, healing may follow.