The other day I was opening my trash can, and thinking about just how much it reminded me of myself. Interesting huh? Well, let me explain.
My trash can at home is automatic. It lights up with bright red dots, and opens at the touch of your hand. You simply wave your hand over the red dots, and sensing motion near it, the lid opens.
This can be really helpful, but also sometimes a little frustrating. If you don’t keep your hand right on the red dotted area, the lid closes. It needs constant attention to work, and so do I.
The trash can lights up and opens when a hand flashed over it like a puppy barking with joy at its owner’s arrival home.
When people give me attention, want to be with me, and show me affection, I light up just like those red dots. I work happily and excitedly for others, and am willing to do anything to keep them around me.
But just like the trash can, as soon as people leave, I stop working. I feel rejected and shut down, just like the trash can lid, and uncertain of how to function. In essence, I need others’ constant approval and attention to function properly, feel valuable, and truly loved.
And just like the trash that fills the trash can, this isn’t very good. I’ve been reading a book called “Uninvited” by Lisa TerKeurst. She talks a lot about rejection, and especially perceived rejection, and filling ourselves up with God’s love so that we are not so dependent on the world’s broken glimpses of His full and whole love.
I love that she talked about a concept of loving loved. She writes:
“Live from the abundant place that you are loved, and you won’t find yourself begging others for scraps of love.”
I saw this movie the other day that really resonated with me. In short, the woman could not bring herself to marry a man who loved her so beautifully and so deeply wanted to spend the rest of his life for her, all because she felt unworthy to receive his love. For so long have I lived this way, constantly apologizing for the burden I feel I am to others and fearful of receiving love from others, and especially from God.
They say the first step to healing is admitting the problem. One of the many problems of this broken vessel is my unwillingness and fear to fully receive the deep and unconditional love that I am so very undeserving of, but so desperately need.
On earth, we talk a lot about serving others and giving love. But first we must receive it.
” We love because He first loved us.” ~ 1 John 4:19
What a beautiful gift, to be able to receive this unconditional and overflowing love from a good and gracious Father.