Something that I have learned about myself over the past few days is that I feel very easily rejected by others. When people don’t smile back at me or don’t invite me to the events I look through on Instagram, I immediately begin to doubt my worth and significance, and of what value I have to others.
Last night, I found myself in a similar situation, filled with a deep sense of rejection. I tell this story not to earn pity, but to explain the circumstances in which I found myself briefly. My plans with friends had fallen through to my dismay despite my hopes and gifts I had planned for them. I found myself with a group of people who I had felt rejected by in high school, and throughout my time there felt on the verge of tears, reminded of all of the ways I do not measure up. When I finally came home to an empty house, I could not help but burst into tears. I lit a candle and went up to my War Room.
In this room, I have prayers written up on the walls, letters that made me smile and encouraged me, my Bible and verses I love, and pictures of people who have made an impact on my heart by their love.
I remember lying down on the floor and wailing to the Lord for help, broken and desperate. And in the midst of my deepest feelings of loneliness, heartache, and pain, I believe that the Lord heard my cry. I felt a peace that was beyond my understanding, a glorious peace that filled my weary heart.
I was reminded that the Lord is my only true source of unconditional and satisfying love and acceptance; my strength and rest. Don’t get me wrong, rejection is still deeply terrifying and hurtful, but its blessing far outweighs its difficulty. And so I rejoice in the pain of rejection and heartache that has brought me to cry out to the Lord and allowed me to taste and see His goodness. The Lord is good, and His love truly does endure forever.