This morning as I have many hours before classes begin in the morning, I have a lot more time to spend with the Lord in prayer, journaling and blogging, and reflecting and being still. I believe this is such a blessing and hope that it will be very fruitful. This particular day, I have been thinking about contentment.
- When I was in sixth grade, I switched middle schools. The difference was huge changing from the private Christian school I had attended all of my life to a new private school. I thought it would be such a glamorous experience with new people and more academically challenging classes, but it was not all I thought it would be. most people already had their friend groups, and I wasn’t sure how to love people who did not share my beliefs. I thankfully, had three best friends, who were wonderful, but continued to feel left out when I was not invited to parties and events. Yet God held me even there and provided for me in wonderful ways. He helped me to see that He would always catch me when I fall and was a loyal friend. He drew my heart closer to my mom, who has been a source of constant love and support throughout my years. And despite the hardship, the Lord was still there for me in it all.
- In high school, I was ready for a change. I attended a private school in a different county than my own and hoped for a great experience. These years ended up being some of the hardest I have ever experienced. Loneliness was heavy as I once again experienced being left out and uninvited. But during this time, God gave me many great things including summer camp, a place of unconditional and beautiful growth and love, the ability to be captain and lead my team there, lifelong friends from kindergarten who continued to be there for me, an incredible Bible study in my hometown, wonderful teachers and help in my learning process, a great internship at a Christian school in their learning center, a newfound passion for kids with special needs, and so very much more. He protected me and gave me so many blessings in the midst of trials.
- During the spring of my senior year of high school, things were looking up as I truly began to seek the Lord more and ask Him for the heart to love the people around me. I was not accepted into my favorite college and was heartbroken. This had been where so many of my camp friends attended and I was afraid of not being there in many ways. Yet the Lord provided something even more wonderful for me. He gave me kind and compassionate teachers where I am at, blessed me with amazing organizations I am able to be a part of, opportunities like blogging and hiking, a roommate who is admirably passionate about the Gospel and the Lord, and has filled my heart with big and beautiful hopes and dreams.
- Even now as I continue to struggle in my time at college, I believe that the Lord is faithful and at work (Philippians 1:6). It has been, truly the hardest year yet, in fighting against loneliness and the temptation to sulk in rejection’s sting. It has been difficult to make time with God a priority and love from a place of fullness from the Lord, not out of a desire to receive love from others. But the Lord has still given me so many wonderful things, just like these long and late mornings to be with Him.
- These days, I am aiming to pray bigger and wider and deeper; to pray for healing for people, because God is a good and perfect healer. I am praying for the ability to be still before the Lord and to be filled with His love in every moment and in the midst of hardships. I am praying that He would place on my heart a place to go serve Him in big ways, and that hearts, even mine, would be receptive to His goodness. I pray that I would continuously see God’s goodness to me in the midst of it and give thanks that He is at work and has never nor will ever leave me or forsake me in the middle of the battle and throughout. The Lord is faithful and so very good.
“In times of confusion, in chaos and pain, I’m there in your sorrow under the weight of your shame. I’m there through your heart-ache, I’m there in the storm. My love I will keep you by my power alone. I don’t care where you’ve fallen or where you have been. I’ll never forsake you, My love never ends, it never ends.” ~ the song, “Times” by Tenth Avenue North