Recently, I have been thinking about the one, as in the man I hope to one day marry.
Maybe it’s the flurry of relationships springing up all around me, the wonderful Christian guys I have been meeting this year, the weddings of peers as I grow older, or a combination of all of these, but my heart has been an emotional tangle.
There are times when I am excited and ready for a relationship, longing and pining for someone to hold my hand and do life with me as we follow and encourage one another on in our faith in Christ. I pray for wisdom in my thoughts about guys and ask God if they are the one. I read about relationships and look around me in hope that someone will pursue my heart, too.
There are times also of contentment, where I am reminded to wait with hope and joy for a man who gives himself for me just as Christ gave himself up for the Church, and to rest in the beautiful and fulfilling love of God.
But there are other times, too, that continue to reoccur and have begun this summer, where fear fills my heart. Instead of being comforted by the hope of a man who will pursue my heart, I am filled with fear about all of the reasons why I am inadequate to be in a relationship and all the ways I would mess it up. I think about all of the weird and quirky things about me, and think to myself: who could ever love me?
I pray for someone who loves my crazy and loud laugh.
I pray for someone who will hold me when I cry and my body is filled with anxiety and unable to be still on its own.
I need someone who will be patient with me in my anxiety and the ways that I am injury prone, yet firm and who will speak truth to me that may be hard, but that comes from a heart of deep love.
I need someone to look past the color of my skin and into my heart. Someone who will love me and my family, and pray for both them and us.
I need someone who has a faithful, staying love that fights for our relationship every day and is not easily willing to give up.
I need someone who will help me as I am often sick, and someone who will be a friend to me and encourage me to follow my dreams, big and far stretched as they may seem.
I need someone who will help me to continue to persevere through my struggles with mental health, my uncertainty of how to handle race, and how to navigate and love those figuring out their sexuality in a godly and biblical way with love.
I need someone who is gentle hearted towards my insecurities about my hair, my body, and my desire for perfection in everything that I do.
I pray for someone who has strong hands and a warm heart, and delights in laughter and adventures that help us to grow individually and closer together, too.
I pray for someone who is weak and willing to share that, vulnerable and loving, and everyday following after the heart of our Savior, so that through Christ, and Him alone, is He able to love and lead and serve and do all of the above because His heart is rooted deeply in the love of Christ, which overflows and pours out to me and all whom he encounters.
Abba, may you provide this man for me! ❤️